Archbishop Promotes New Bible Translation

Warning! Religion rant coming up! Those of weak constitution feel free to turn back! This is your last warning!

My husband sent me this story, thinking I might find it interesting. Now, normally I don't discuss politics or religion here, because the truth is that people just lose their cool. Rational human beings turn into foaming-at-the-mouth tazmanian devils too many times when these subjects are broached, but I thought this article deserved scrutiny.

Let us begin:

A brand-new translation of the Bible - praised by Britain's archbishop of Canterbury, that nation's senior Christian voice - flatly contradicts traditional core Christian beliefs on sex and morality. Titled "Good as New," the new Bible is translated by former Baptist minister John Henson for the "One" organization, to produce what the group calls a "new, fresh and adventurous" translation of the Christian scriptures.

Okay, first of all, this is not a new "translation"; it is not being translated from ancient documents, foreign languages, or anything of the kind. All it is is a "rewording" of passages to better suit the ideologies of a particular group of people. My only thought is by calling it a translation they hope to give it a credibility it would not (and does not) otherwise have. Please don't mistake the two.

The 104th archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Rowan Williams - leader of the Church of England - describes it is a book of "extraordinary power," but admitted many would be startled by its content.

Hmm, considering the Bible is already a book of "extraordinary power" and many are "startled by its content", I don't understand why there is the need to change anything. But I digress.

"Instead of condemning fornicators, adulterers and 'abusers of themselves with mankind'," says Ruth Gledhill, the London Times religious affairs correspondent, "the new version of his first letter to Corinth has St. Paul advising Christians not to go without sex for too long in case they get 'frustrated.'"

Perhaps if modern society did not focus so much on sex in nearly every video you watch, in nearly every book you read, on nearly every billboard you see, on those women that walk down the street skankily dressed, or in every condom-distributing high school then maybe this "frustration" wouldn't be such an issue.

"The new version, which Dr. Williams says he hopes will spread 'in epidemic profusion through religious and irreligious alike', turns St. Paul's strictures against fornication on their head," adds the Times.

Okay, here's the deal: the letters of Paul are not written to the irreligous. They are written to people who have already received the salvation experience, and who want to live according to God's perfect plan. Quite frankly, the irreligious need to start with the gospels of who Jesus is rather than the epistles. Who here in their right mind really thinks that if you start polluting the Word with this kind of junk that all of a sudden irreligious people are going to start going, "Yeah! That Jesus, boy, He really is God! How cool!" and be led to repentance and prayer. Leniency on sex does not a repented Christian make. No, all it is going to do is to give people more courage to pollute the Word with more garbage, and then there will be nothing left that convicts anyone, so there will be no reason to repent! I can hear it now: "Well, Jesus was not really God but just a nice guy, and you can really do whatever you want, and oh, BTW, there is no such thing as salvation or hell or heaven, so let's just change all those things and not even call it the Bible anymore. We'll call it Frank's Book, how does that sound? Nope, can't call it Frank's Book, because that is excluding Women, so we'll have to call it the Book of Everyone and it will only be ten pages of Chronicles because we've cut everything we think might be offensive to anyone else, because we don't want to offend anyone of any ideology. Ever. Go us!

The One organization that produced the new Bible translation is dedicated to "establish[ing] peace, justice, dignity and rights for all." It is also focused on "sustainable use of the earth's resources," challenging "oppression, injustice, exclusion and discrimination" as well as accepting "one another, valuing their diversity and experience."

Yeah, right. So now teaching someone to put their hormones on ice is considered oppressive and discriminatory.

According to Ekklesia, a London-based "theological think tank" that supports the "One" translation:
The translation is pioneering in its accessibility, and changes the original Greek and Hebrew nomenclature into modern nicknames. St. Peter becomes "Rocky," Mary Magdalene becomes "Maggie," Aaron becomes "Ron," Andronicus becomes "Andy" and Barabbas becomes "Barry."
In keeping with the times, translator Henson deftly translates "demon possession" as "mental illness" and "Son of Man," the expression Jesus frequently used to describe himself, as "the Complete Person." In addition, parables are rendered as "riddles," baptize is to "dip" in water, salvation becomes "healing" or "completeness" and Heaven becomes "the world beyond time and space."

Here is where we see the Dumbing Down of Society come into full play. Changing the names to "modern nicknames"? Why? Can't people handle names such as Peter and Magdalene? And changing Peter to Rocky? Jeeze, whatever happened to Pete? Oh, yes, it must be a play on the idea that Peter is the "Rock". How clever. Changing the other phrases are attempts to basically mold the Bible into what they want it to be from what it really is. BTW, 'baptize' literally means 'to immerse', so they can't even get the rewordings right.

Rewording *does not equal* translation. Class, repeat!

Here's how Williams, the top Anglican archbishop, describes the new Bible: "Instead of being taken into a specialized religious frame of reference – as happens even with the most conscientious of formal modern translations – and being given a gospel addressed to specialized concerns … we have here a vehicle for thinking and worshipping that is fully earthed, recognizably about our humanity."

You know what? The Bible has been such a vehicle for billions of people down the ages without the new 'sexed-up' version. As a supposed student of the Bible, I'm really surprised he missed this.

In addition, notes Ekklesia, the archbishop praises Henson's translation for eliminating "the stale, the technical, the unconsciously exclusive words and policies" in other translations.

Hmm. "unconsciously exclusive words and policies" is an interesting phrase. It reminds me of the time the inclusive-gender train came to town with the Inclusive Bible "Translation" (remember: rewording *does not equal* translation. Let's say it together!) There was once existed a time when the common mind understood there were times when the Bible addressed specifically men, specifically addressed women, and then addressed both under that umbrella of a term, "mankind". It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that "mankind" included us sistahs, too. Somewhere along the way thinkers have been dumbed down enough to demand gender inclusive versions, because they could not make out these distinctions on their own.

On another note, his statement basically implies that God, who is the Author of the Bible, didn't really know what He was saying, which would mean He is not All-Knowing, and thereby cannot really be God because "All-Knowing" is kind of a pre-requisite to be God, you know? Of course, it could be the Archbishop does not believe God is the Author of the Bible, and that was written instead by Manny, Moe, and Jack down at the Pep Boys shop while sitting around a campfire chewing on camel jerky. Frankly, if that is the case he might as well pack it in and join another faith. 'God as Author' is kind of a tenant for being a Biblical Christian, know what I mean?

Here are some examples of the 'Good As New' rewording, but I give you fair warning: if you are a Biblical Christian, you may find your head about to explode before you reach the end (those of various religious extractions might find the rewordings amusing and stupid at the same time).

Hold on to your hats, kids, here we go:


Mark 1:4
Authorized version: "John did baptize in the wilderness, and preach the baptism of repentance for the remission of sins."

New: "John, nicknamed 'The Dipper,' was 'The Voice.' He was in the desert, inviting people to be dipped, to show they were determined to change their ways and wanted to be forgiven."

Oh my...'The Dipper'?? And inviting people to be forgiven from what? For allowing oneself to become frustrated from lack of sex?


Mark 1:10-11
Authorized version: "And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him. And there came a voice from the heaven saying, Thou art my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

New: "As he was climbing up the bank again, the sun shone through a gap in the clouds. At the same time a pigeon flew down and perched on him. Jesus took this as a sign that God's spirit was with him. A voice from overhead was heard saying, 'That's my boy! You're doing fine!'"

"That's my boy! You're doing fine!"??? Well, how 'bout that! You go, Jesus! And I see the dove has been replaced with a pidgeon. Aha. Glad to see the Holy Spirit found a place on Jesus's shoulder to cop a perch.


Matthew 23:25
Authorized version: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!"

New version: "Take a running jump, Holy Joes, humbugs!"

It sounds like a white man trying to rap, or at the very least a bad eubonics rewording.
Can I just wrap my head in ducktape now? I think it's going to explode.

Matthew 26:69-70
Authorized version: "Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, 'Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.' But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest."

New: "Meanwhile Rocky was still sitting in the courtyard. A woman came up to him and said: 'Haven't I seen you with Jesus, the hero from Galilee?" Rocky shook his head and said: 'I don't know what the hell you're talking about!'"

Must.Maintain.Control.Just.Cleaned.Floor.Must.Not.Let.Head.Explode.
Here we see the brilliant decision of chaning "Peter" to "Rocky" in motion. I am so moved in my spirit. Yea, verily, we also see Rocky likes to cuss! Well, he's just one of the boys. I'm sold.


1 Corinthians 7:1-2

KJV: "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: [It is] good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

New: "Some of you think the best way to cope with sex is for men and women to keep right away from each other. That is more likely to lead to sexual offences. My advice is for everyone to have a regular partner."

Yep, let's just throw marriage out the window. Don't worry about getting a regular husband or wife, just find a nice partner and stick with them, then everything will be alright. After all, it's all about sex, isn't it?


1 Corinthians 7:8-7

KJV: "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."

New: "If you know you have strong needs, get yourself a partner. Better than being frustrated."

There's that 'partner' concept again. Forget marriage, just find a partner. God forbid anyone should be 'frustrated'.

Well, I think it's safe to say I give this piece of trash no validity whatsoever. There is something, however, that boggles my mind even more. If the Bible is so distateful to these people, then why do they hold to it at all, even in it's "reformed" state? They are going to have to change a whole lot more to be consistent in their message (such as the 'works of the flesh' passage in Galatians which blatantly mentions 'fornication'), and then what is the point? Any person with any shred of common sense knows if a religion does not gel for them that they move on to one that does. Why do what you can to destroy what does not work for you? Just move on. There are scads of faiths to choose from. No ideology is left out. Of course, I really think there is a devilish agenda behind all this mess, but to mention this in detail might be seen as 'judgemental' or 'archaic' so I'll leave it at that.

Oh, who cares, I'll say it anyway: the devil will not be happy until all shreds of true, pure Biblical Christianity is wiped off the face of the Earth anyway it can be. Rewordings such as this garbage is just one prime example of how people are helping him to achieve that aim.

There is one more thing I want to say before I'm done on the subject, and I direct this to the people at One and the archbishop: You have the right to accept or reject the Bible on your own accord, but you do not have the right to change what you will to suit your own desires and ideologies. I say this to you in all seriousness, and to those that would attempt to pervert the gospel of Christ:

"As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed". Galatians 1:9

Chew on that anyway you wish. Maybe the Word from the KJV will knock some sense into some heads. It's not called the Authorized Version for nothing.

Mah Mood:thoughtful

6.23.2004